Dreams that rise from your deep subconscious are sometimes dangerously not yours and just the meme culture in your head or messages from the influencer world playing with your true psyche

They say nobody knows why you are born on different sides of the fence and depending on which side you fall determines all of your possible futures. This determined life with certainty will affect how you are treated throughout life, and the subjective evil bestowed by the gods over your life. As a person you have to delve deep to know what evil really is. Keep your ear and senses to the wind and find out who is pulling the strings. Unfortunately, none of this will help but at least you will have your personal integrity restored and finally know humanity for those un-fortuitously chosen is a joke. Further illuminating is the string pullers gamble with life after death by choosing not to be civilized or humane at all. I can’t imagine a creator of such a wonderful earthly place condoning so much evil.

The year is 1987 and the first controlled accident which ensured the life to come was ever more the battle. I am left to wonder if the data collected was from a live test dummies program. Or just some experiment to observe over a lifetime just what indifferent adversities humans will keep trying to overcome and for what reasons? Or simply part of the master plan and taking just one more thing from a Job of this world.

That night following the accident we scrambled for somewhere to sleep. I was left with the owner of the car, who was a friend but not so friendly that night as he was rightfully furious about his proudest of joy that now lay in rubble. He had no sympathy for me while taking the couch as I lay in agony on the hard floor. The driver of the car was left in hospital with a broken rib and the damage to his spine was not yet known by anyone and only evident when he returned to sport. Shame he was one of those blessed with a strong athletic build and very fast when sprinting but after the accident, his gifts were taken from him. He, like me, was never physically the same again and anyone who has felt a high speed to zero impact will know exactly what I am talking about and not feel the same surviving either.

Next day standing over the 1970s Toyota corolla coupe wreckage and with the true pain yet to come out of my body there wasn’t a joint including finger knuckle I could not feel. If you don’t know anything about the early Japanese cars, they were nickname aluminum coke cans, and the nickname could not have been more fitting. Pre-crash test dummies and structural integrity testing the cars suddenly became lightweight in chases and paneling, dangerously combined with fuel injected powerful little engines. They were a shiny glinting death trap inside the aluminum can, as many people to lately found out once the engine sat in the front, back seat or boot.

Aside, my body aces my knees wobbled almost giving way completely while steering at that car. Of the accident I had a detailed memory leading up to and into the flash memories which contributed to the weakening. I looked too the owner who in this moment of daylight may have felt a touch of guilt about making me take the floor. “Fuck, how the hell did you survive that”, he said, and noticing his hostility and mood suddenly changed. The back of the car is almost alongside the front engine bay. Missing the parallel axis by about 22degree and 45degree pointing up. So folded together and twisted a little as you can with a coke can.

Looking at the side of impact my side and passenger side. The chassis had folded, and roof had stretched round the now outside dash console and down crushing breaking the back of the passenger seat, leaving just enough space for me to finally be sat with head and shoulders backside down to the seat. I remembered coming to, opening my eyes to the underside of roof inches from my face.

I hadn’t known how bad the accident really was until that moment standing feeling a sickness that penetrated the knees. My thoughts flashed back to immediately after the accident and while in shock remembering my first concern. While walking away saying to myself I hope his car is ok, never to look back on the car. Only nineteen years old looking at the wreckage it was already a wholly fuck mystery and how was I hoping this car would be ok, those thoughts now, felt really stupid. I knew something was odd, I was looking at an incredible number of variables, causes and effects to execute in precise timing and to go exactly right effectively saving my life, in something that was so screwed up and wrong. The driver’s side left no mystery, looking like a fighter pilots’ cockpit and cocooned by the accident leaving the only remaining space in the car. The rest of it crushed and stretched to nothing.

Asleep in the back seat at a party my friend had arrived with the keys he had pinched from the owner. I did not particularly care that he had pinched them which I guess kind of makes me part guilty. But I also hadn’t known what was to come and that this guy was going to turn into a human psychopath on a mission to destroy his own demons. And one right hand turn, followed by the first right hand bend we would meet our destiny.

Before the first right turn, I had already sensed I needed to get into the front with the seat belt on and this was to be lucky point number one because like many lucky points in the accident if I had not climbed into the front to put my seatbelt on, I was history. Following the right turn I clicked something was not right with him. The giggle that persists when you speak to it gives it all away. He was unreachable and my screams to stop the fucking car where on death ears leaving the evil childlike giggle as a sound never forgotten. His foot was so heavy to the floor I thought to start pulling on the handbrake only too dangerous.

I couldn’t help my eyes insistently flashing over to the speedometer as I also knew this road well with my old high school being on it. There was a car in the distant front, and we were catching very fast with the speed limit just 50klm. Already up to 140klm, 94 miles per hour, we came up to the car like a sudden rocket. The driver never lifting from the accelerator jerked on the wheel right as you would only if it was one of those hired speed limited go-carts. Surprisingly, we did not end either sideways into the back of that car or flipping down the road beside it. The tires just gripped with the body roll lightening the down force on the tires. We flew past the car and at that moment I knew there was a right bend soon to come and quickly summarized in my head there was a meniscal chance we could make it on the wrong side of the road. Never lifting from the pedal and soon as I felt the jerked left, I knew.

Virtually on top of a right hand bend the driver finally comes back from whatever was controlling him and to his senses. Now illuminated by the strong car lights are three power polls directly in front. Not that it would have made a difference, he doesn’t slam on the brakes or even lift from the accelerator, he just manages to scream while simultaneously shielding his eyes and head with arms and hands. The leading power poll is tactfully placed there and prevents 1970s tanks of cars from ever breaking them. A lightweight Japa had no chance and with certainty would have been the one with engine now sitting in the boot. Days later I was visited by the local policeman, and he had said the drive shaft was found no less than 100 meters from the power poll and in the paddocks. The firemen clean-up crew were simply mystified.

Looking at him with his arms shielding his head, luck number two. I yelled ‘try’ as my right arm snaps across the steering wheel only desperate to point the car round the bend. Going so fast the rear did as I would have expected when jerked to pass the car which incidentally is now directly in our rear spectating the accident. The rear end flicks off the rear tires and swings round into the leading power poll. My head turned into the swing and eyes flashed seeing the power poll inches from my left shoulder immediate before connection.

Luck for many following cause and effects but number 3. It hit right beside the latch, an inch-to-inch half from my left shoulder and equally important, immediately tearing the latch from the door lock. I am suddenly thrown left out of the car and ironically making for my own space to live outside the accident. On contact my left wrist breaks on the door and the door without a latch is flung open, and I feel my body flung with it like a missile until the seatbelt snaps. I don’t know, maybe it did not snap but only wound out fully extended. The snap was felt with a ferocious force and luck number 4 executed. If it did not snap at distance my body could not have found the final resting place as it was. If it snapped on time or as the seat belts should, I would have been held more in a space which no longer existed because of the nature of the stretched and crushed roof. Going from 94 miles per hour plus, to zero felt on the width of a two-inch belt. My feet flashed before my eyes up against the night darkened sky.

I came to and we were stationary, my back to the seat and roof inches from my face and both feet flat on the ground outside the car. After watching many movies instantly you feel as if the car will now blow up. I said to the driver, “It’s going to blow” and scramble for the seatbelt latch, awkwardly squeeze from the car and walked away. Instantly I am confronted by the driver of the spectator’s car who is frantically asking, “are you alright”. Moments later when calmed by the fact nobody was dead or severely injured the driver to me then described the accident from his front seat view.

His first description only adds to the shock, and I respond by saying ‘that’s impossible.’ I asked him to describe it again because I already could not believe it. From the point of seeing my feet against the sky to final resting position I had blacked out and there was no memory. In those moments his account sounded only a miracle. He had said we had catapulted round the power poll and sent us down the side of the road that we were supposed to be travelling on, hitting the ground three times between three 360 flips. Other than retracting back into the car a little it was impossible for my position to have changed which left the fact that my torso, legs and feet were untouched outside of the car in three 360 flips.

He wanted to take us to hospital, but I flatly refused, and he eventually gave way to dropping us off back at the party. Later as my left wrist started to ache, and I think the shock was making me feel sick, I asked to be taken to hospital for a checkup. For some reason I did not want to stay overnight and with the sickness passing I deliberately made out my left wrist was not broken. Showing the doctors and nurses I could move my fingers, they let me go.

My friend the driver was in the next cubical and I heard the doctor about to gently probe his ribs and says, ‘I haven’t touched it yet why are you screaming.’ Obviously, my friend had wanted to stay in hospital.

Later that day and after a sleep on the hardest of floors I returned to the hospital to retrieve something for the pain and have my arm set in plaster. The same doctors and nurses were still on duty and from the next cubicle I overheard their conversations about the early hour’s ordeal and those two emergencies. It went somewhere in the order of, ‘we sent the wrong one home’ while sounding part amused and part angered at whom he kept back in observation, the driver.

Thankfully those days have passed, and cars are thoroughly impact tested with air bags and better safety belts, right! I ask myself would I really feel comfortable while stepping inside a fully automated very fast car. Probably yes because now I really do not care but those that have their wonderous futures ahead might want to consider. It may be so that it is only those born to the right side of the fence with absolute and certain futures who will get to jump in feeling rightfully comfortable. Never be jealous of those kinds of people, they may have sold their sole and only gamble that this life is the only life lived. Guess what they do not really know, and they do not know that the devil is in no way integral, honorable or loyal. They do not know that one day riches to rags as entertainment could be their next.