Riding at a reasonable pace over sideways I go with a thump and the first thing coming into my brain you by now are able to guess it; my right arm is stuck to the underside of my right side of body. My right hand gripped flat in a vice of hip and concrete, skinning the backside and rendered useless for any task of saving my head. I slid so far, I could have written a synchronistic poem about my ironic Cool Hands Luke not being able to do anything. On the concrete I came to a sliding stop but not before the forces simulated the rear of a van in an emergency stop, lifting my feet and hips high and shifting all my weight onto my underside shoulder. My shoulder was not unlike the front tyres of a van while under the stress of UBS anti-skid shuddering emergency stops. Consequently, the now lifted angle brings my head to the concrete to take the last hit.

**< The last hit graised my head taking off a full size pin head of skin and drew less blood than a half pin prick. Despite the pains screaming from my side the nick to my head was noticed with pure clarity. The rest of me did not get away with nature or gods' jokes and encrypted synchronistic messages, as my right leg, hand and shoulder succumbed to road gravel damage. This time my head got away with just a spec of a reminder. A reminder that reinforced my felt sense, your hands Luke will not always save you, nor your head. The gods were not happy with my dreaming and thoughts of riding home leaving me in a small mess. With all thoughts of continuing quickly forgotten, it was time to search for a bike box and a flight for my London home.

...returning to Mercedes van ‘Your cool hands Luke will definitely not save your head’, the words directly spoke to me. With both hands besides each hip knowing what was soon to come I add a quick thought to the synchrony, life is over and instantly feeling robbed. With gravity and air as the only wrong defences my helmetless head bangs into the road with an indescribable crunching force. Bouncing straight off my head and onto my backpack making the last part feel as if landing into the softness of a cloud. This was the second time landing on my backpack, the first doing a 270-degree flip over top of a bonnet to a car and landing flat on my backpack. That day I had felt the weird circumstantial comfort too and was lucky to be awake and able to make the comfortable connections instantly join the huh thoughts.

I opened my eyes to the puffy clouds dotted in the sky and with the clang of all clangs still heavily vibrating my mind. Taking a deep breath and feeling weirdly embarrassed I pushed myself up into the sitting position. Noting, I guess to add to all my wonder, the van was at least two meters behind. The mystery if unknowable was my skull did not utterly shatter and my neck stayed sturdy but to clarify the film The Adjustment Bureau uncourteous comes to mind. Maybe I was lucky having paused in the air like a Micheal Jordan dunk and coming straight down to bounce off the road like the ball off the court.

Escaping with an impregnated bang to the topside of my forehead I noticed something immediately following the accident. I was not traumatised by this, which would easily rate as my worst. Trauma formerly was something you could never escape following accidents. All of them emotionally you would take time to regather your confidence on the bike. This could either take hours, days or even a couple of weeks, but this accident and in this way left me with no emotional distress. My mind preoccupied with the mystical and mysterious universe left the scene of the accident with one question, a cursing why? From the gods I never got any immediate answers and while riding away I had another thought. For reasons now I do not understand and at some point, in the future I am going to understand the reason why this ‘accident’ happened. It all came together when walloped into the metamodern systems enlightenment. My faith in the deceiving universe was also why I never hung round and made a claim from this accident. A decision I do not regret but faith without trust I no longer have in a universe.

After the accident, my next day reactions might explain where I was in life. I was quick to post a photo of the large golf ball lump on my head and onto Instagram. Thinking that the mysteries of the universe needed to be shared. Today I definitely do not, which brings me to the second question in the title.

I don’t know how to truly give up. My own mother’s death did not start my thinking on life and death, but it certainly has contributed since. You see, I deeply believe all born on this planet should have a chance at living the full term of their life. Life and death should be in the hands of God or creator and not controlled in the manner it is and by man’s evil. This sacrificial life is not for the greater good and leaves lives with no choices or options and means of escape. And this is the only reason I post this kind of personal revealing stuff. I am tired of feeling isolated, alone in this metamodern world and faced with unusual circumstances that others cannot and refuse any understanding.

With other people, I don’t know if this is arrogance or ignorance. On the large they are ignorant while feeling they actually know something about what is happening with the world. How can they be incapable of listening or telling the truth when hypnotised by their Netflix movies or TV. Let us only hope the dark fictional realities, entertaining, do not become their sudden truths as they had and have mine. To my horror it is only since that I have watched Netflix. Pre-2000 I stopped reading and watching the looping repetitious stories output by papers, news and tv. With truth my only living defence is something general people do not have and without I can only imagine the worst. I don’t know if the systems metamodern cultural changes that one’s and all are shockingly rocketed into will always keep me cornered in a tiny little black mirror box. I remain curious about how many of us variants there are, and I have assumptions on who and what variants actually are, and may others prove some of my assumptions to be wrong I really wish for.